Oh god I thought, what's wrong with me and why does this pain keep stabbing away like this. All sorts flew through my tiny mind. Was I dying? was it just wind? I don't need to see a doctor do I? That's the last resort.
Well, hours later, when the pain just didn't go away and it became too much my girlfriend called the doctor. It was getting worse so I went to the local clinic to get some help.
I paced around the waiting room, unable to sit still due to the pain. I looked like a heroin addict, all pale and restless. Why were they taking so long?. We got called to see a nurse, at last. Some poking here and there on my belly led to a yelp.
'Ahhh' she said. 'That's where your appendix is'.
I needed drugs.
'you should go to the hospital and get it checked'
I needed drugs.
'do you know where it is?'
I needed drugs.
'are you in pain?'
'YES, can you give me something please? it hurts...a lot.'
And she did. A shot of some kind of something good right in my bum cheek. Ahhh, sweet release.
So we drove to the hospital, me laying in the back seat, moaning and groaning the whole way.
To cut a long story short, I stayed overnight and was set for an operation the next day.
They gave me one of those gaping gowns, the kind that have your bum hanging out. No way I thought. I'll put this on the other way around, like a dressing gown. Sorted.
The very next morning, there I was being wheeled to the operating room. I have to admit, I was very excited. I wonder what anesthetic is like? does it really knock you out that fast? I was curious now.
they shook their heads at the way I wore my outfit.
'We've never had someone in here with it this way around before' they said.
'Can I keep my appendix?' I asked
'Why?' She said with a confused look.
'To give to my cat' I said.
'No, You can't do that'.
I didn't really mean it. I don't think she realised I was joking. Probably not the best time for jokes but I couldn't help it.
The next thing I knew I was counting from ten down to one. I think I got to about six.
I woke up with cold feet in a cold room feeling confused and, well... cold. They sorted that for me though and I was soon wheeled into my ward.
I was still excited and thought it would be a good idea to get up from my bed, drip and all and phone my parents and tell them where I was. They were not in so I phoned my nan.
'Hello? Nan?'
'Hello' she said.
'Guess where I am?'
'I don't know, where?'
'In hospital!'
I tought it would be an amusing story, I wasn't in my right mind.
It's a bit of a blur to be honest after that. But she was OK knowing that I was OK.
I spent three days in hospital and I never did get to keep the part of me that got taken out. Something to do with infection and bad stuff.
Oh well.
Could have been worse.
I think Bumble would have turned his nose up at my appendix anyhow.
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